WHEN THE GAME IS OVER, there’s a winner and a loser.

It’s final.

You’ll never see a Super Bowl or World Series end in a tie. That’s not going to happen. Somebody has to win and somebody has to lose.

That’s fine for televised sports, but how about life in general?

• If you don’t follow through on your New Year’s resolution, does that make you a failure?
• If you start a new diet plan and can’t even stick with it for one day, are you a loser?
• If you keep promising yourself you’ll find a way to earn more money and take better care of your family, but you’re still struggling to pay the bills … are you hopelessly trapped?

Here’s a roadturn principle you can take to the bank: You’re not defeated until you give up and stop trying.

I know that’ll cause an uproar in some circles. How about “surrender to win” and “acceptance is the answer to all my problems” and “what you resist persists”?

Isn’t your struggle the very thing that keeps you bound?

Here’s the short form answer: No.

Surrender, acceptance, non-resistance … those can all be useful steps along the way to getting unstuck, but they’re not the way to get unstuck. If they were, I could take the doctor’s advice, swallow the pill daily, and not worry any longer about the underlying condition the pill is meant to treat in the first place.

Here’s another roadturn principle: You get what you settle for.

Your life isn’t a football or basketball game. It’s not a “you against everybody else” situation. You’re here to learn and grow. Your problems help you do that … if you’ll let them.

What should you do when you try one more time to get and stay on that diet, but don’t follow through?

What do you do when that job interview falls through or you don’t get the raise?

Try again.

Don’t stop.

Never give up.

3 Steps to Help You Get Back on Track

Here are three steps you can use to grease the rails for a revival:

1. Stop and feel the inner discouragement. Don’t fight the emotions, express them as needed. Use the LIVE Method to deal with the inner critic.
2. Sit down with a notebook and pen. Take 45 minutes to sit and think about the issue. Use prayer and meditation to gain clarity. Write down the observations and ideas that come to you.
3. Go back over the previous attempts you’ve made to get past the issue. Look for the parts that were successful and for the parts that weren’t. Is there a common tripwire that keeps making you stumble? How can you deal with that situation the next time it comes up (and it will).

If you’ll use those three steps, I can all but guarantee you’ll gain back your energy, your motivation, your enthusiasm … and that you’ll gain insight to help you re-group and go at it again. I can’t think of a single time I’ve walked through that process that I didn’t walk away with an answer I needed.

I’m using them right now to refocus on a health issue I want to overcome: high blood pressure. Some say I should give in, take the pills, and forget about other methods of hypertension control. But I don’t like depending on pharmaceuticals.

Everyone draws their own lines. That’s mine. If yours is different, I totally respect it. It’s not the issue that’s most important. The central point is about how it’s affecting your life and your self esteem. If you think it’s a problem, then it’s a problem. If everyone else says you look fine carrying 20 extra pounds, that’s great. But if you don’t agree, then you don’t agree.

I hate taking pills, so I’m trying to do something about it.

What’s your struggle?

Let’s talk.

— Don