Roadturn

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Don Sturgill

What to Do When Things Aren’t Going Your Way

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The water pipe bursts, you get sick, your outgo is bigger than your income … what do you do when things aren’t going your way?

Here are some of the methods I’ve tried:

  • Get angry
  • Throw a fit
  • Feel sorry for myself
  • Blame something or someone else
  • Say “To hell with it” and head to the bar

That’s enough. You get the picture.

Did any of that help, though?

Maybe temporarily. Maybe I felt a little better for a bit, but none of that does anything about solving the problem that set me off in the first place.

Here’s what a Navy Seal might do

Have you heard of Jocko Willink? He’s a retired Navy Seal — a bonafide badass — who now helps company officers and teams develop better leadership skills.

Jocko’s advice for what to do when things go south is to step up, assume responsibility, and draw fire.

That’s right, “draw fire,” meaning you intentionally step out and say “Bring it on.”

Certainly, there needs to be some context to the situation — you don’t want to step in front of a locomotive — yet, there’s a nugget of wisdom here for us mortals to grasp.

Here’s an example of how the “draw fire” concept can work

Back when I was a whippersnapper, early 20’s I guess, I was renting a “granny flat” sort of apartment in Eugene, Oregon. It was a sweet little spot, with a sliding glass door that opened up to a beautiful, fenced backyard. It was summertime. My plan was to take a break from my studies, then return to school at the University of Oregon in the fall.

Meanwhile, I took and quit a few jobs, lost my girlfriend, holed up inside … then entered a deep depression.

I had zero ambition, not even enough to go get food. I had a jar of peanut butter and a jar of honey. I’d dip a spoon into both now and then for nourishment. I sat on the couch for days like that … dark room, blinds closed, doing nothing whatsoever. Just me and silence.

Then came the cavalry (and the calvary too)

A moment of clarity finally broke through. I ran a quick scan of my situation and called it like it was. “I’m depressed.”

If you’ve ever been there, you know exactly what that feels like. If you’ve not … God bless you. I hope you never go through it.

Where the idea came from, I don’t know. Certainly, it wasn’t something I knew I knew. I said this to myself: “If you’re going to be depressed, you might as well get really depressed. Go for it.”

I then proceeded to bear down internally and get as depressed as I possibly could be.

The idea was so far fetched, that it made me laugh, and with that laugh came a little joy.

I got off the couch, went over to the blinds, and pulled them open. I walked barefoot out onto the lawn and the sunshine of a glorious day.

That was my first and last experience with what was probably “clinical depression.” Sure, I’ve been down here and there since, but never like that.

How to use the “drawing fire” concept in daily life

Here’s my point.

What should you do when things aren’t going your way?

Try stepping out and drawing fire. Face up to the onslaught and say, “Hey, bring it on. Let’s go.”

Sometimes, that simple, brave act can restore your confidence and fill you with power.

Draw fire!

By the way, believers especially have no wiggle room here. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

***

Disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist. I don’t even play a doctor on TV. I write from my own life experience and observations. I’ve a master’s degree in the humanities, I’m a believer and philosopher, and I’m the author of How to LIVE, a field manual for getting unstuck. I’m not a physician, and I don’t intend to dispense medical advice here. My aim is to share what’s working (and not working) for me.

The ONE Question Everyone Should Ask Themselves

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Email from an online business tool: “Next week, things are going to look and feel different [on our site].”

My response: “I hope that means you’re fixing your customer experience issues, not just prettying up the brand. Fix the car before you paint it.”

How often do we try to cover up the blemishes in our own lives with solutions like these?

  • I’m drinking too much, guess I’ll lay off the hard stuff and stick with beer
  • We’re fighting too much, let’s try not talking at all
  • I hate my work, if only I could find a job that pays more money

Take a few minutes today to consider this one question: “What personal problem or roadblock am I trying to cover up instead of fix?”

Fix the Car Before You Paint It – Hypertension and Cholesterol

For the past several years, I’ve been taking a “blood pressure pill” daily. Worse yet, the doc says I should add a “cholesterol pill” into the mix. That’s a problem, you see, because I don’t like the idea of painting the car instead of fixing it.

“Doc, isn’t there something I can do with diet and exercise that would help?”

“No. This is all about heredity. You must play the cards you’re dealt.”

So, I’ve been taking the blood pressure pills, but I’m bucking hard against the statin drugs for cholesterol.

Last year, I experienced some remarkable success with an eating plan I developed. Then came the holidays, and I got off track. For awhile, I was off the blood pressure medication altogether (the doctor was amazed). But it wasn’t sustainable.

Rather than paint the car, though … I’m working on a repair. I’ve re-grouped, I’m back on the plan, and I’m hoping to duplicate the results.

LISTEN UP: I’m not saying you should stop taking your medications. This is about me and my car. I can’t drive two cars at once. You are in charge of your own. I do urge, you, though, to consider the core of this idea and ask yourself that one critical question: What am I trying to cover up that I should be dealing with instead?

Roadturn principle: Fix the car before you paint it.

Let’s talk about it …

— Don

Disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist. I don’t even play a doctor on TV. I write from my own life experience and observations. I’ve a master’s degree in the humanities, I’m a believer and philosopher, and I’m the author of How to LIVE, a field manual for getting unstuck. I’m not a physician, and I don’t intend to dispense medical advice here. My aim is to share what’s working (and not working) for me.

3 Steps to a Fresh Start and Better Plan

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WHEN THE GAME IS OVER, there’s a winner and a loser.

It’s final.

You’ll never see a Super Bowl or World Series end in a tie. That’s not going to happen. Somebody has to win and somebody has to lose.

That’s fine for televised sports, but how about life in general?

  • If you don’t follow through on your New Year’s resolution, does that make you a failure?
  • If you start a new diet plan and can’t even stick with it for one day, are you a loser?
  • If you keep promising yourself you’ll find a way to earn more money and take better care of your family, but you’re still struggling to pay the bills … are you hopelessly trapped?

Here’s a roadturn principle you can take to the bank: You’re not defeated until you give up and stop trying.

I know that’ll cause an uproar in some circles. How about “surrender to win” and “acceptance is the answer to all my problems” and “what you resist persists”?

Isn’t your struggle the very thing that keeps you bound?

Here’s the short form answer: No.

Surrender, acceptance, non-resistance … those can all be useful steps along the way to getting unstuck, but they’re not the way to get unstuck. If they were, I could take the doctor’s advice, swallow the pill daily, and not worry any longer about the underlying condition the pill is meant to treat in the first place.

Here’s another roadturn principle: You get what you settle for.

Your life isn’t a football or basketball game. It’s not a “you against everybody else” situation. You’re here to learn and grow. Your problems help you do that … if you’ll let them.

What should you do when you try one more time to get and stay on that diet, but don’t follow through?

What do you do when that job interview falls through or you don’t get the raise?

Try again.

Don’t stop.

Never give up.

3 Steps to Help You Get Back on Track

Here are three steps you can use to grease the rails for a revival:

  1. Stop and feel the inner discouragement. Don’t fight the emotions, express them as needed. Use the LIVE Method to deal with the inner critic.
  2. Sit down with a notebook and pen. Take 45 minutes to sit and think about the issue. Use prayer and meditation to gain clarity. Write down the observations and ideas that come to you.
  3. Go back over the previous attempts you’ve made to get past the issue. Look for the parts that were successful and for the parts that weren’t. Is there a common tripwire that keeps making you stumble? How can you deal with that situation the next time it comes up (and it will).

If you’ll use those three steps, I can all but guarantee you’ll gain back your energy, your motivation, your enthusiasm … and that you’ll gain insight to help you re-group and go at it again. I can’t think of a single time I’ve walked through that process that I didn’t walk away with an answer I needed.

I’m using them right now to refocus on a health issue I want to overcome: high blood pressure. Some say I should give in, take the pills, and forget about other methods of hypertension control. But I don’t like depending on pharmaceuticals.

Everyone draws their own lines. That’s mine. If yours is different, I totally respect it. It’s not the issue that’s most important. The central point is about how it’s affecting your life and your self esteem. If you think it’s a problem, then it’s a problem. If everyone else says you look fine carrying 20 extra pounds, that’s great. But if you don’t agree, then you don’t agree.

I hate taking pills, so I’m trying to do something about it.

What’s your struggle?

Let’s talk.

— Don

How to Keep Going When You Want to Quit

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Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

Motivation is a huge topic.

There are books, seminars, even movies about it. Motivation is the glamorous part of getting something done.

Habit is the hard work.

Habit is getting out of bed when you’d rather sleep in, choosing a carrot over a cookie, and going to the gym even when you don’t feel like it.

Motivation can get you going, but only HABIT can KEEP you going.

So, how do you create a habit?

Repetition. Desire. Action.

Roadturn Principle: NEVER give up.

Let’s talk about it…

. . . .

(Quote attributed to Jim Ryun)

The Cure for Doubt

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Doubt can only be removed by action.

(Quote attributed to Goethe)

Doubt can paralyze you. It can keep you from going for the career you want, speaking up for something you care about, or stop you from committing to a fitness plan.

Doubt can put you down and keep you down.

But there’s a cure for doubt.

Goethe knew the answer a long time ago: Doubt can be overcome by action.

When you step out and commit, the world makes way for you.

Roadturn Challenge: What do you need to act on? Set aside some thinking time. Look deeply. Record what you find.

Roadturn Principle: For most of us, the problem isn’t that we don’t know what to do. The problem is that we don’t DO what we know.

No More Excuses

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When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

Have you faced any adversity lately?

Every good thing you want to do in life is sure to be opposed by someone or something.

That’s the genius of the airplane. It uses the force of whatever works against it as wind for the take-off.

We can do the same.

For instance…

  • Gravity makes sit-ups hard to do… but pushing against that force makes you stronger
  • Running takes grit and determination, but pushing through the urge to quit pays off in the end
  • Getting to the gym can seem like a hassle at first, but once you work to build the habit, it’s hard to imagine how people get by without regular exercise

Once we learn that lesson — once we KNOW how to leverage the power of opposition to make us stronger, we’ve secured a primary key to success in life.

Roadturn Principle: What would happen if you really tried?

No more excuses.

Let’s soar!

(Quote attributed to Henry Ford.)